UNIT 5.THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP

Nota:

• Clearly trust emerges slowly as two people get to know one anotherand gradually the bond is strengthened. It is important that trust isthe basis of coaching and fromthe first contact the coach should striveto ensure that trust is built up through the range of actions and qualitiesthat he or she displays.

1. Crucial

Nota:

• The issue of confidentiality needs tobe brought up in the very first conversation that a coach has with theperson they are trying to help.Where confidentiality is not clear cut, for instance in a corporate settingwhere there are vested interests from the organisation in the form ofa supervisor or some other manager, then the limits of confidentialitymust be disclosed. It is usual in this instance that issues which pertainexplicitly to the reasonwhy the coaching is taking placemay be disclosedwhilst personal issues are not.However, the limits of the confidentialityneed to be established very clearly right at the beginning.The other limitation of confidentiality is around any areawhere the coachhimor herselfmay be compromised.This could be around law-breaking(particularly planned law-breaking!) ormental health issues.Again, thisshould be spelled out clearly so that everyone knows their positionbefore revealing sensitive information.

1. `The bedrock

Nota:

• Again, a subtle variation of honesty and trust. It would be very possibleto be honest but not open; just as it would be possible to be open butdishonest! The coach needs to encourage openness in order to get thefull range of feelings, beliefs, concerns etc. out for discussion.A lack ofopennesswill only end in poorly planned and executed action and goals.Openness can be encouraged gently at first until a longer term trustemerges.Many clients relish the chance to be open but where this islacking it is incumbent upon the coach to develop it through goodrapport and sensitive handling of questions.

1. Full range of feelings, beliefs, concerns etc. out for discussion

Nota:

• Clearly it is related to trust but is subtlydifferent.Where trust is the feeling thatmust exist between the parties,honesty is the integrity of behaviour that is carried out.This is particularly important in terms of honesty of what is seen by thecoach and what has been done or felt by the other individual. If a coachsees a particular behaviour it would be dishonest and utterly unhelpfulto give feedback which suggested anything other than the truth.Honesty in coaching is about demonstrating integrity at every levelfrom the way the coach communicates and expects communicationand the way they deal with their client.

1. Telling the truth

Nota:

• Coaching is not a place for point scoring, proving one’s intelligence ordemonstrating one’s expertise in a certain area.

1. Each respects the other

Nota:

• Now this may seem obvious, but too many coaches fear ensuring thispurpose is clear since they worry that it should be the other person’sagenda.Now it is very important to distinguish between the agendain terms of the issue to address and how they wish to address it, but itis the coach’s agenda to ensure that an effective coaching session takesplace.Thismeans setting out the purpose of coaching fromthe outset.The ability to refocus people who are talking too much withoutdirection or clarity, the ability to challenge them when you see somelevel of assumption (often around their own limiting beliefs) and theability to call attention to discrepancies are all vital to generating areal coaching purpose which will lead to success far more than a lesspurposeful approach.

1. Ensure that an effective coaching session takes place

Nota:

• As in any profession, a coach should demonstrate reliability.However,in coaching it seems even more important to display this quality sincethe ability to set goals and follow through on them is intrinsic to thevery nature of coaching.Thus whilst an accountant may let you downoccasionally youmay forgive thembecause you know their knowledgeof tax is second to none! In coaching, the coach essentially is theproduct.Your ability to develop the relationship with someone is farmore important than a knowledge of a particular area of expertise.

1. Z perception people'll have of u as some1 n control of their life/some1 livin z coachin values

Nota:

• Similar to reliability,professionalismis about how you present yourselfas a business person and coach.The nature of the professionalism is,of course, down to each coach to establish – a sharp suit and snazzycufflinks may seem professional but not if the coach is working withyoung offenders. So the professionalism has to be appropriateand consistent.

1. Present yourself as a business person and coach

1. With good rapport

   Nota:

   • using methods which, used without rapport, could causeoffence or even anger
   1. Humour

      Nota:

      • Both you and the other person should enjoy the coaching experience andhumour can help alleviate the build- up of tension or generaterealisations which if considered in a more serious manner,would behard to admit. Look at the following use of humour: I can’t let that happen – I wouldlose 100% control of the situation! Whoa!Well, heaven forbid you lose100% control!Imagine how bad that would be! Firstly imagine if there is no rapport.This humorous comment wouldgo down like the proverbial lead balloon.However, used with warmth,the comment allows the individual to actually stop, look at their ownstatement and laugh at their need for 100%control.The next step couldthen be to bring it back to what this would mean to them.So humour serves a purpose. It shouldn’t be used gratuitously sincethis would simply generate an unprofessional conversation which leadsnowhere.But used appropriately, it can create quick shifts in perceptionand start new strands of thought.
   2. Provocation

      Nota:

      •  Imagine the following: I am just so stressed.What wouldhappen if I couldn’t make the meeting? Yes, I can see your problem.The companywould grind to a halt, the FTSE 100 wouldcrash, the prime minister would quake inhis boots! It doesn’t bear thinking about! (pause – hopefully accompanied by some laughter from the coachee).   OK, so I am probably making too big a dealout of it, aren’t I? I need to calm down a bit! Great,what actually would happen? Using provocation with humour, the coach has helped the individualto gain perspective and also relieved some pressure in the session.Again this is all about having and keeping rapport and only the coachcan judge when this method would work.

Nota:

• A coach isn’t there to be a shoulderto cry on but to help the other person move forward.This can meanconfronting issues which are challenging for both of them.Doneappropriately this is an important aspect of coaching and one whichthe individual being helped will respect and benefit from. However, it doesn’t mean“telling off” the other person. It does meanconfronting them with what you see happening and taking a stepback to get to the root of that issue instead of simply allowing thebehaviour to go unchallenged and unexplored.

1. Not allowing 2 much time 2 b spent on unproductive naval-gazin,blaming others, constantly demonstratin a lack of commitment.

Nota:

• Jim, I am struggling a little to understand whatis really going on here.May we take a break to clear our minds a little? Phew! That’s a good idea – I wasthinking the same but didn’t like to ask!

1. U don't always have 2 know z way fwd & u can make mistakes. Acknowledged wz humility these moments can build even greater rapport

Nota:

• A coach who never provides acknowledgment will come across aslackingwarmth and natural humanity.However, just like oil in an engine,too much will cause as many problems as too little. If the personbeing helped becomes attached to receiving acknowledgement orcongratulations for a job well done then the coach would need to askfor whose purpose they are actually doing the actions.After all,we know that people quickly attach emotional connectionsto repeated outcomes (think of Pavlov’s dogs in which dogs wereconditioned to respond to the sound of a bell to expect food). If weoverly congratulate theymay subconsciously link an emotional responseto hearing the coach say“well done!”and a form of dependency canbecome apparent.So, use acknowledgement and congratulations occasionally whensignificant break-throughs have been made and use theacknowledgment to reflect back on them thereby taking the attentionaway fromyou as the cause of the satisfaction.Compare the following: Wow, that’s fantastic Janet. I’m reallypleased for you! That’s great Janet, you must be delighted!How did it make you feel when you did it?

1. When significant breakthroughs have been made/use acknowledgment 2 reflect back on them