A6 Top 10 Mistakes in Qs

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• problem: people will get very quickly closed down unlike open qs which elicit thinking and give other indv chance to redirect the conversation, keep conversation open solution: a- become aware of what you are asking b- if u catch urself doing that, re-state the Q ex: ‘is there a way to do that?’ trick: quick technique for adjusting: just start again with the word ‘what’ or ‘how’ ex ‘what could you do...’ ‘how would your life change...’ what other options do u have?

1. People'll get very quickly closed down
2. Just start again wz what/how

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• 1st cousin of closed Qs, a special kind of closed Qs = a piece of advice with a Q at the end. we give solution in form of a Q. ex. ‘shouldn’t you check with ur boss before doing that?’ ‘could u do ur jogging with ur spouse?’ If the 2nd word in the Q is ‘YOU’ u are in trouble. Reaffirm urself that u believe in the person next to u. begin again by asking them for a solution. On a practical level these Qs usually originate with some curiousity in us. we precede to identify the cause of the problem in our head, then we offer a solution, then offer it back to the person. Sol.: go back to that thing that made u curious in the 1st place, focus on that, ask them abt that. ex. ‘in ur company, what othe channels u can work on to solve this?’ ‘ i notced that all ur exercise u do it ur own, how could u involve wz ppl on that routine?’ -these Q close person down and force them into one particular channel.

1. Close person down & force'em into 1 particular channel
2. Go back2that thing zat made u curious in z 1st place-ask'em abt that

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• the quest for the holy grail, taking v long time to think of the right q to ask, affects conversation badly. trust the process to help the person, don’t rely on the greatness of ur insight learn one very simple q and use that 2 q are distinctly memorable, ‘tell me more’ ‘what else’ observation questioning technique: pck up the most significant thing they said , repeat the last word and ask him to ex. ‘tell me more’ ‘say more’ ‘expand on that please’ ‘john, u told me that.... can u tell me more abt that?’ great method to focus on the client not ur greatness

1. Think of the right q 4 long time-affects conversation badly
2. 2 qs r distinctly memorable 'tell me more/what else’

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• because u cant stop themselves from asking the same q in 3 diff ways making client put together 5 diff answers with 6 diff potentials, and b y the time the coach could articulate the right q, the client is too confused abt what to answer and conversation completely lost cause: a- still figuring out what to ask because u want to break the silence by starting to ask a q before u know what it is, why ur asking. solution: allow it to be silent for a moment or 2 before u can formulate the q the little silence will lead the client to continue with the process, and without ur intervening they will continue to start talking cause b- we r over concerned that our q will be fully understood. i.e. we r in telling mood again sol: let go, ask q once then stop the most exciting coaching moment comes when the client doesnt understand what ur asking. they start hear themslves articulating solutions and start to evaluate them as they r speaking.

1. Client's 2 confused & conversation completely lost
2. Let go/ask q once then stop

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• it erodes trust client: ‘ i find it v diff to get up this Monday morning, I'm frustrated with my new proj, i don't get the support i need coach’ that's interesting, how long have u hated your job? client: i didn't say i hated my job we only know what the client said this stops other person from doing their own analysis solution: make a habit of formulating ur clients own words into the qs ex ‘how long have u been frustrated ‘what kind of support do u need’

1. Stops other person from doing their own analysis
2. Make a habit of formulating ur clients own words into the qs

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• often emotional or judgemental of our own opinion ex ‘what were u thinking?’ ‘wouldn't u rather get along with your spouse?’ evoke either no response or defensive response sol: rest your attitude, change your view point. a- get in touch with what’s going on inside your head b- renew ur internal pic of the other person. ur belief and ur info abt their ability. the way to do this is to spend 15 or 20 sec just thinking abt the other person and reorienting ur attitude ask yourslef some qs, ‘why am i forming judgement here?’ ‘how is focusing on negatives of person meeting my need ‘could i be wrong about this?’

1. Evoke either no response or defensive response
2. Get'n touch wz what’s goin on inside ur head/ renew ur internal pic of z other person

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• subtly point individual to certain answer knowingly or unknowingly ex ‘how would u describe that feeling? sad? I've decided that sentence is sign of sadness sol: give person multiple options or the opposite point of view at the end of the q sad or happy? disappointed, or excited or upset or what?

1. Subtly point individual to certain answer knowingly or unknowingly
2. Give person multiple options or z opposite pointofview @ z end of z q

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• time when we need to . don’t be too timid to do. and don’t interrupt so much.s sometimes we have to. some speak incisively others talk 10 min, too much details this slows down progress but more importantly, it actually blurs the focus we need to interrupt and refocus. when u see your client chasing red herrings all over the country mange the conversation interject with the q that brings u back to focus discuss it and take permission to interrupt when needed help him realize that they are talkative time more imp. than money lets make best or our time’

1. Slows down progress/blurs z focus
2. Discuss't & take permission 2 interrupt when needed

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• tends to b perceived as dishonouring and frustrating to talk to, not the image u need as a coach exercise: a- record 1 of your conversations after taking permission, play it back, listen and take a note every time u hear any of these 1-interruption stopping him 2- talking over when he says something 3- talking for , i finish thoughts for them. sol: cultivating a very simple discipline make a commitment, count of 2 seconds in your head after other person stops speaking and b4 u start

1. Perceived as dishonouring & frustrating
2. Count 2 sec in ur head after other person stops speaking & b4 u start

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• many people are naturally nosey, interested in people, stay away, this tend to make pl close up. actually challenges motives ex ‘ tell me why did u do that’ asking them to defend or justify their actions, don't be surprised if they get defensive why q questions motives we don't need to know sol: ask what instead ex: ‘what factors led u to turn down the job’ ‘what is causing u to anticipate that response’ because they they are not being q abt why they dd but what factors, what causeing

1. they get defensive
2. Ask what instead