Feeling connected and one with everyone,
then loving myself and wanting to feel special
to the world
Being an only child, selfishness
is a common trait
Can't find balance- Don't know
when it's OK to be selfish
Aquarius
Nikki calling me selfish
Joey
Expectations
Expecting within reason, the balance of expectatins
Not feeling comftorable after funeral
Did I make things weird or has something weird been going on
Never know what to ask or
say for stimulation
Trust
Taylor and Ash
Game of who cares less?
Confidence
Social/Overthinking
Can't people
LSD/Mushrooms
Purpose of Life
How God ties in with my psychedlic experiences
My part in the plan
Music Festivals, Suwannee, Nikki, Gare
Can't thrive in music festivals because I can't be myself without overthinking
Wakarusa Mushroom trip
Grateful Dead Fam
Groups
Intimidating
Cult
I know there's a balance between the real
world and spirituality, but is there?
Buddha left everything
I feel like I never talk about the
right stuff, overthink
conversations
Difficulting separatig drugs and spirituality
There are people who have no idea what I'm
talking about. I feel crazy a lot of the time, like
everything I think is crazy
Can't get close to people
Worried I don't have
anything of value to say
unless it's about me
I can never know
enough about stuff/not smart enough
Not enough time for me to learn about everything while maintaining balance
Confidence might have an affect
Scared of letting
the wrong people
get to know me
Judgment of character
Taylor
Scared in
general for
people to get to
know me?
Do I not like myself? I like being alone
Worried of having to
entertain who I'm with
all the time
Again, ego? Me feeling like I have to be
the center of attention?
I'm okay not doing anything, even though I prefer to be
doing something. I'm just not so comftorable doing
anything with people really, unless there's a planned
event or a goal.
Worried I'll run out of stuff to talk about
Maybe I don't want to talk about spiriuality
because I'll feel no one will understand
How do I not seperate myself from everyone else?
How do I feel one with everyone without mentally thinking of myself as different?
How do I get out of my
head
So many awkward
silences in my life
I try to ask people questions
about their life, I feel like I'm
talking about the wrong stuff all
the time
Everthing that I feel I have to talk
about seems either really worldly or really spiritually out there
I've been thinking spirituality so
much, but I don't know enough to
feel comftorable talking to people
Goes back to Music Festivals
How is anyone confident in what they're
doing and in the relationships they have without knowing what
your grounding and roots are
Can't be the happy and friendly self I want to
A lot of guys have taken it the wrong
way
Due to that I overthink my entire self
Because guys take it the wrong way, if I'm with both girls
and guys I don't want anyone thinking I'm coming off as
flirty so I just try to not be super friendly
I feel like it can be considered fake,
but I want to be happy and excited
all the time, and you can be
whoever you want so shouldn't I
practice the traits I want to have
End up not showing people who I am
Spirituality has made me question who I am, my reasons
for what I do, and the kind of relationships I have
Maintaining Life Balance
There's not enough time, but time doesn't exist
Mom
I feel like I'm the only one that can help
Hate the job my whole life
Don't know what else I would be
doing though, good on resume
Health
Mini stroke
Jim- she feels alone
Fight between me wanting to
experience everything I can
while I can, because my
opportunities might not be as
expanded when I'm older
Mom has worked her ass off her whole life
Feeling selfish and guilty every day I don't want to work and every day I don't work
Jim and Joey making me feel selfish
I feel stuck in Gainesville
Don't want to leave because of
family and funds
Free house tha was made for me, they built
stuff for Buddha, mom at work, their health,
don't want to disappoint them mostly.
The Living Buddha
Disappointed mom and Jim so much
Constantly feeling like I'm making up for something
I don't know what's right to be expected out of me
at this age. Sometimes I feel I do a lot, and other
times I feel like I don't do a lot of what I should be
doing.
"If you feel like you should have you life together by 20, you're living your twenties wrong"
She didn't have the
opportunities or resources I
have when she was growing up
I grew up learning to appreciate everything I
have, I try to appreciate everything in my life by
trying to take advantage of my resources
It's hard for me to take money serious because I want to trust that God and the Universe will provide
Probably provide within reason
Do I think this because I have always been
provided for?
Popped a tire- had to borrow money from mom
so I get how saving to prepare for the
unexpected is important
Struggle with security
The point of civilization and society is to create security of living
Can you ever actually create security? Everything can change so fast and how can you actually prepare for the unexpected?
I spend a lot of money, hard for me to save it
with 40,000 sitting in my savings
I see my mom work her whole life at a job
she didn't like, to 30 years later still be
doing the same thing
Hard deciding where and who to put my time into
Goes back to judge of character
We're all the same person with different
factors, hard for me to cut people out of
my life or not give people my time when
I'm needed
Everyone needs someone
Hate my job but I
want to help mom
and I want money